I believe confidence comes from knowing what you should do and doing it. Not in a sense of “is this the right move” but a sense of “am I willing to fail, learn, and try again to get there?”
So much of what we do is based upon the perception of ourselves in relation to those closest to us.
Thanks again, Tom. Looking forward to what comes next.
Tom, sometimes I read an article that provokes some deep thinking. And often I ask my ChatGPT to give me its take. I thought you might find this interesting.
Robert: This whole deal about confidence is interesting and powerful. He is so right, we wait for confidence before taking action. But that is, as they say, bass-ackwards. But what is it that gets us moving forward in the first place? What enables us to take that first step? And is there any formula or insight that can help us take those first steps more often, even if we aren't quite sure how things will work out? I have some ideas, but I'd like to hear yours.
ChatGPT: It’s a good question, and I don’t think the honest answer is “confidence-lite” or some cleaner version of the same idea.
Something else moves first.
If you look closely, it’s usually one of three things:
A pull.
A push.
Or a moment of clarity.
The pull is simple. Something interests you, bothers you, won’t leave you alone. Not big, not dramatic. Just a quiet, persistent “this matters.” That’s often enough. Not to finish—but to start.
The push is discomfort. You’re tired of something as it is. Staying put starts to feel worse than moving. People don’t like to admit it, but a lot of action comes from this. Not inspiration—but irritation.
And then there’s clarity. A moment where you see something plainly. “Oh… I could just do that.” No drama. No story. Just obvious.
None of these require confidence.
What stops us isn’t lack of confidence—it’s the extra layer we add right after the signal appears:
“Is this a good idea?”
“What if it doesn’t work?”
“What will people think?”
That’s where movement dies.
So if there’s a “formula,” it’s not about building something up. It’s more about not interfering.
Something like this:
Notice what’s pulling or pushing.
Don’t argue with it.
Take one step that doesn’t require certainty.
That last part matters. The step has to be small enough that it doesn’t need confidence.
Call someone.
Write a paragraph.
Try it once.
Now here’s the part people miss:
action creates evidence.
Not belief—evidence.
And evidence quiets the noise faster than any mindset work.
You don’t become confident and then act.
You act, and then the system updates.
So maybe the real question isn’t
“How do I get confident enough to start?”
It’s closer to something you’ve been circling already:
What is one move I can make right now
that doesn’t require me to feel ready?
That question tends to cut through a lot of the waiting.
Tom, this may be the best article I have ever read on what it means to be present and ready for the next moment. It's powerful, but in so many ways much simpler than building that trait people call confidence. I don't know if you're planning to write another book, but, man, write it like this!!!!
A lifetime of driving vs. a lifetime of riding (being a passenger) equates to millions of assessments and millions of adjustments. It is the practice and habits of assessment and adjustments that provide safe journeys and great destinations."
Today, I can tell you that few of my fears every fully materialized and few of my hopes ever fully materialized. But I now have accumulated many points of reference. I better know when to question my thinking, when to slow down, when to ask for another opinion, etc.
I believe confidence comes from knowing what you should do and doing it. Not in a sense of “is this the right move” but a sense of “am I willing to fail, learn, and try again to get there?”
So much of what we do is based upon the perception of ourselves in relation to those closest to us.
Thanks again, Tom. Looking forward to what comes next.
Confidence is an action not a feeling
Tom, sometimes I read an article that provokes some deep thinking. And often I ask my ChatGPT to give me its take. I thought you might find this interesting.
Robert: This whole deal about confidence is interesting and powerful. He is so right, we wait for confidence before taking action. But that is, as they say, bass-ackwards. But what is it that gets us moving forward in the first place? What enables us to take that first step? And is there any formula or insight that can help us take those first steps more often, even if we aren't quite sure how things will work out? I have some ideas, but I'd like to hear yours.
ChatGPT: It’s a good question, and I don’t think the honest answer is “confidence-lite” or some cleaner version of the same idea.
Something else moves first.
If you look closely, it’s usually one of three things:
A pull.
A push.
Or a moment of clarity.
The pull is simple. Something interests you, bothers you, won’t leave you alone. Not big, not dramatic. Just a quiet, persistent “this matters.” That’s often enough. Not to finish—but to start.
The push is discomfort. You’re tired of something as it is. Staying put starts to feel worse than moving. People don’t like to admit it, but a lot of action comes from this. Not inspiration—but irritation.
And then there’s clarity. A moment where you see something plainly. “Oh… I could just do that.” No drama. No story. Just obvious.
None of these require confidence.
What stops us isn’t lack of confidence—it’s the extra layer we add right after the signal appears:
“Is this a good idea?”
“What if it doesn’t work?”
“What will people think?”
That’s where movement dies.
So if there’s a “formula,” it’s not about building something up. It’s more about not interfering.
Something like this:
Notice what’s pulling or pushing.
Don’t argue with it.
Take one step that doesn’t require certainty.
That last part matters. The step has to be small enough that it doesn’t need confidence.
Call someone.
Write a paragraph.
Try it once.
Now here’s the part people miss:
action creates evidence.
Not belief—evidence.
And evidence quiets the noise faster than any mindset work.
You don’t become confident and then act.
You act, and then the system updates.
So maybe the real question isn’t
“How do I get confident enough to start?”
It’s closer to something you’ve been circling already:
What is one move I can make right now
that doesn’t require me to feel ready?
That question tends to cut through a lot of the waiting.
Tom, this may be the best article I have ever read on what it means to be present and ready for the next moment. It's powerful, but in so many ways much simpler than building that trait people call confidence. I don't know if you're planning to write another book, but, man, write it like this!!!!
Thank you so much, Robert.
Great stuff, Tom. Thanks for your insight.
This caused me to recall one of my Nudgits,
"Be a driver.
A lifetime of driving vs. a lifetime of riding (being a passenger) equates to millions of assessments and millions of adjustments. It is the practice and habits of assessment and adjustments that provide safe journeys and great destinations."
Today, I can tell you that few of my fears every fully materialized and few of my hopes ever fully materialized. But I now have accumulated many points of reference. I better know when to question my thinking, when to slow down, when to ask for another opinion, etc.
I am thankful for your counsel.
Dan
Thank you, Dan. Keep driving, my friend!